Top 5 Reasons to Play a Woman Character


Top 5 Reasons to Play a Woman Character

-Contributed by James Masterson

After spending countless days being mocked and ridiculed for playing a lady character in games, I have decided to write about why I choose to embark on all my gaming adventures as a woman. And hopefully this will convince my gaming counterparts to do likewise.

1. Boobies…

 2. The Weird Science Theory

This speaks for itself: the ability to create any woman you so desire.  If for some reason you always wanted to reunite the ladies from the Golden Girls, pop in The Sims 3, and you’ll be swinging in a sea of colostomy bags and hard candy in no time.  All I’m saying is why create a penis wielding night elf when the power of creation is right at your finger tips?

golden girls

Mmmm... gotta get me some 'o dat.

3. You Don’t Have to Hide Her under the Mattress

wowIf you have spent many a night eating frozen burritos watching Full House reruns, you know that your mind starts to wander, and your first reaction is to go the computer.  Before you are three clicks away forming being elbows deep in Asian teens, you see your WoW icon in the left-hand corner, and you start to remember all the times you spent ganking noobs and how your level 70 battleaxe-wielding she-dwarf has a certain glow.  Before you know it, you’re sitting amongst empty Mountain Dew cans and discarded burrito wrappers, leveling up your one-handed skill while you’re slaughtering hundreds of Morlocks. Now that’s what I call multitasking.

4. Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve

Are you the type of guy that after a long 14-hour day working as a backup Dancer/vocal/model/man-candy for Beaver, (I don’t mean the good beaver) you come home, throw on some Cher, practice your pop-and-lock with your life-sized cardboard cutout of George Michael, curl up on the sofa with your Navy buddy Bruce, flip on the old PS3, throw in some Skyrim, and then spend the next 23 hours staring at the ass of your level-30 shirtless Nord, or are you the guy that comes home after a long hard day working at the boob inspector t-shirt factory, throw your hand down your pants, scratch your balls, and collect fromunda cheese to use as steak sauce for your hearty meal of hope, wishes, and feelings, then take a seat on the arm chair made from gorilla scrotum skin, turn on your PS3, and spend the next 9 hours trying to get to the lesbian love making cut seen in Dragon Age?  You could only get the latter if you play a female.

5. The Perfect Girlfriend

skyrim

What more could I say?  She’s the girlfriend you could only get if you were a 62-year-old man on “vacation” in Bangkok.  She will never talk back, always does what you tell her, never wants to share her feelings, is never “not in the mood”, never has headaches, and best of all, she never throws your collection of Walker Texas Ranger memorabilia out right after you catch her screwing an eight-dicked walrus named Brad who works at the Radio Shack down the street. Eff you, Debbie.

So the next time you embark on your next gaming adventure and are faced with the choice of a male or female character, I hope my thoughts will persuade you to check, “female”.

Want to write for GameTaffy? Send an article to Ben@GameTaffy.com, Clint@GameTaffy.com, or Alex@GameTaffy.com. Then, if your article is approved for publication, you have the chance of being invited to be a real GameTaffy.com writer! The pay and benefits blow. Because there are none. But who needs dental, medical, vision, paid vacation, or pay checks? Certainly not you!

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About Clint Kingsley

Clint is a gaming journalist for GameTaffy.com. PSN ID: K-Train22

Posted on December 28, 2011, in Tasty Stuff and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Oh my hell! This has got to be the funniest thing I have read in a very very long time. This explains why my dad loved playing the Tomb Raider games…..

  1. Pingback: A 2011 Gamer Chronology « GameTaffy

  2. Pingback: IMHO: Getting the Most Out of Skyrim « GameTaffy

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